We recently attended the Panto with our four children, including my son who has Selective Mutism. He is now 8, the last time we went to the Panto was about 3 years ago when he was 5. Its amazing what can change in 3 years. O did not get involved in any of the audience participation at all on our last visit. The only way to describe O at the time was tense in public situations and if anybody spoke to him he would freeze. O still does not talk to adults outside the family with the exception of one who we have worked very hard to slide in. Sliding in is a method of gradually exposing the child to speaking to a person in very small steps. (The pandemic meant our ability to use the sliding in method with O was delayed).
O sat beside his Dad in the Panto at the far end of where I was sitting and I watched him raise his hand and gesture and vocalize albeit quietly the chant that the audience were encouraged to do. My heart filled with pride as I thought of how far he had come. The last time we were at the Panto not only would he not participate in group singing talking he would not speak to anyone outside the family, no friends, no cousins, nobody and his whole body would tense up his facial expression would change if there was any hint of a situation where there may be an expectation to speak which is basically any situation outside of the home in reality.
I glanced at him and as everyone joined in the Panto chant I smiled and breathed out a sigh of relief and gratitude. O has far to go but I reflected on just how far he had come. He is now talking to his school friends, his friends from our housing estate and his school support teacher. He is now relaxed in the company of extended family and other parents in the school yard. He no longer looks over his shoulder to see who is listening when I pick up from school and he speaks to me and his friends in a relaxed manner and can tolerate others overhearing him speak.
At Christmas for the first time he spoke to me within ear shot of extended family. We still have work to do though, he still is unable to speak to extended family, he still is unable to speak to adults with the exception of his SEN support teacher who we slid in over a number of months . We are working hard now on sliding in his class teacher in school and it is going great so far. With every barrier he breaks down he gains more confidence.
How did we get to where we are ? We removed all of our expectations, pressure and anxieties from ourselves, accepting O as he is and believing in him. We educated ourselves on Selective Mutism and we followed the strategies recommended as much as possible. We tried to remain hopeful and positive and patient but we all have those bad days where we worry and feel overwhelmed and we are no different. We read him social stories, so he knew he was not alone.
When O started to whisper to one friend in school we set up lots of playdates until he was comfortable talking in our home we started to slowly invite new friends. At one point I was worn out with the number of playdates we were doing, and his siblings were always looking for a playdate also since he had one so if the truth be known it was hard work and unsustainable for any long duration of time, but O did start talking to multiple children and I believe creating the opportunities through playdates did help.
O has done the work himself though, pushing himself, staying motivated and surprising us on many occasions. We are lucky we have a great team around O, an amazing SLT experienced in Selective Mutism always supportive and always motivated with a genuine interest in O’s progress, a fantastic SEN teacher in school who has gone above and beyond to understand Selective Mutism and to provide the best environment for him to flourish, who understands my son very well and anticipates when a step is to far for him and recognizes the importance of giving him control in the process of his brave work.
Above all, he has people around him that care, that understand, that share in the joy with me when he takes a step forward. People who are quietly willing him to overcome his Selective Mutism. What a change 3 years can make. I wonder where he will be in another three years , the sky is the limit .
“Use your smile to change the world; don't let the world change your smile" Chinese proverb
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